Several times a year I have to endure a little heartbreak, as my kiddos turn three and most often leave my care. I work with Early Intervention through PART C of IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) and when a child turns three we most likely say goodbye. After working in the system for four years, I have made some very strong relationships, many of which outlast the discharge paperwork. I love my relationships and while “Three” may be the magic number, it’s not magic for me. This is a necessary evil… and I really don’t like it. But as a therapist it is something that we learn to deal with, regardless of how hard it may be. It’s a process.
It always starts about one month before their third birthday. I have to write a letter to the caregiver (usually a parent) explaining that our services will be coming to an end because the child is turning three and give them the date that the discharge will be complete. We then go through that month thinking… “man, I really wish this didn’t come up so fast” and we try to wind it down to make the easy transition out of Music Therapy and then BAM! our final session happens and moves more quickly than any other session in the year (sometimes two or three) ever had! And then what… a “thank you”, a “goodbye” and sometimes a hug (from both child and parent). About a week or two later they get the final “discharge report” and then sometimes, we never speak again. Within a few days I usually get a phone call for a new kiddo and the entire process starts again.
This post comes as a result of leaving THREE of you within two weeks! I just want all of my families to know that leaving you does not come easy and it is as much heartbreak for your therapist as it is for you. I never leave my families lightly, even those I have only been seeing for a short time.
What are some ways to make your leaving a family a little bit easier?
Wow, I know how you feel! I spend mornings at a Developmental Center, and we sometimes don’t know whether they’ll be “graduating” to public school until the month they’re leaving. We have some of them from 1 or 2 years old until 4 or 5, but some are more short term, depending on their level of functioning. I see them while they’re in the First Steps program (under age of 3) and after, but when they leave the developmental center I typically don’t see them anymore, which is always hard especially for the ones who continue to benefit greatly from our services. My clinic is such that we are able to continue services if they choose to and we have the hours, but the parents have to bring them to the clinic and often times it doesn’t work out. AND, we have a waiting list so nothing’s guaranteed until we have more paid hours. So, goodbye is hard. I typically become more lax as the last session approaches, and encourage them to choose their favorite activities, etc. With my higher level clients who sometimes move out of the counties we serve, I’ll do easy songwriting interventions to talk about what’s going to change for them, what exciting things await, and positive memories on their time with me. When I worked in hospice goodbye was hard, too.
I completely understand hospice being hard. I used to work at a children’s hospital… we said many permanent goodbyes. 🙁
Thanks for the songwriting ideas. I never thought about that, and several of my almost three’s may very well benefit from a “things will change” song.